A Year of Remission

For my first full round of TMS therapy, I was approved for 32 days of TMS for anxiety [which also helps depression] and I noticed small mood changes my the end of the 7th treatment. Things like having less anxiety and racing thoughts, laughing more, slightly better sleep, less fatigue, and more motivation. By the end of the 14th day I noticed some moderate mood changes, like reaching less to hypotheticals I would normally have anxiety about, and things happening in my real life making me happy. It was also easier to cope with mood swings and difficult days. By my 21st day, I noticed a much bigger difference in my quality of sleep as well as in my mood. I had a clarity of mind I had never experienced, and everything felt light and calm, for once. Every day after that- my mood got significantly better once I finished each treatment. I would notice that it was like watching storm clouds clear away and seeing a sunny blue sky after a long storm. I had more plans for my future, everybody around me said I smiled and laughed way more [and was more social]. I got more hobbies and began to feel excited for the rest of my life. By my last treatment the 32nd day, I felt like I had undergone a kind of metamorphasis and now had an entirely new life than I had before TMS. Things that I worried about in my head no longer caused breakdowns after ruminating about it for hours, I no longer self harmed to avoid the inexplicable existential dread I felt, I didn't need to lay in bed all day to get the energy to shower anymore because depression left me with no energy. I was now motivated, had a clear head, felt self assured and confident, and was grateful for every positive feeling and change in my life. This was a remission I had never achieved from PHPs/inpatient programs, years of therapy, or any type or strength of medication. This was a remission I had never achieved in both length and quality before, with no side effects at all. For only 30 minutes a day for 32 days, I achieved a whole year of much needed relief. During this year I wrote, made art, started projects, hosted workshops, participated in activism, traveled, socialized, and worked on myself. I was able to live a life I never imagined. 

In my next post I will explain the benefits and risks of TMS and compare it to traditional SSRI medications.